Joke: Wife not speaking to husband for six months

Bill and his father are out fishing and drinking beer while discussing football and NASCAR. All of a sudden Bill says, "Dad, I think I'm gonna divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in over six months." His father, silent for a moment, slowly takes a sip of his beer and says, "Son, you better think it over; women like that are hard to find."

Joke: The Blonde Handy Woman

A blonde, looking to earn some extra money, decided to offer her services as a "handy woman" and started canvassing an affluent nearby neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?" The blonde quickly responded, "How about $100?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need were in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?" He responded, "She was just up here, how could she have missed it?" A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" the husband asked. "Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $100 and handed it to her. "And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porsche, it's a Lexus."